Sunday, 11 August 2013

5 Mythical Locations You've Probably Never Heard Of

Everyone has heard of Atlantis, the lost city said to have been swallowed by the ocean and according to the Nazis was populated by super buff Nordic Aryans, not unlike any given issue of Men's Health. Tales of mythical cities and countries have become a staple of legend, populated by super people and weird creatures. But there's a tonne of these mysterious locales that you've probably never heard of before. Here are 5 to delve into.

5. Agartha, the City at the Centre of the Earth

According to legends, Agartha is a great city the resides in the core of the Earth. It's linked in with the belief that the Earth is hollow and filled to the brim with weird people and creatures, a belief that still prevails to this day in some groups.

Alexandre Saint-Yves d'Alveydre, or Lex to his buddies, recorded the first "account" of Agartha, which according to him is situated in the Himalayas. Alexandre stated that Agartha would be revealed to us normal humans when we start doing right by the Ten Commandments. It is unknown if we need to continue with following these rules by the time we've all descended into the hidden city or whether it's just going to be a massive free-for-all.

4. Kyöpelinvuori, Mountain of Virgin Ghosts

Kyöpelinvuori, or Ghost's Mountain in Finnish, is a place that is said to be haunted exclusively by dead women. Specifically, it's populated the ghosts of young virgins who gather on the mountain at the beginning of the afterlife.

At Easter, because the Finnish have decided that their kids obviously don't need to sleep, adults say that Kyöpelinvuori is inhabited by witches that leave the mountain on their broomsticks to scare the living shit out of Finland's children.

Ghost Mountain is related to the Swedish Blockula myth, a legendary meadow where the Devil met with witches on the Sabbath, had kids with them and then married those kids to produce toads and serpents. Textbook devilry, really.

3. Kingdom of Saguenay, Land of the Blond Men

The Kingdom of Saguenay is an Iroquoian legend that tells of a northern land riddled with blond men rich with gold and furs. Sounds fabulous!

Apparently Jacques Cartier, while travelling with the sons of Chief Donnacona, found the Saguenay river in 1536, which, according to the sons, was the gateway to Saguenay itself. French Canadian explorers have tried in vein to find the mythical kingdom but to no avail. According to Donnacona himself, Saguenay is the home to great silver and gold mines, enough to make anyone rich who travelled there.

Some people have speculated that it could have been a pre-Columbian Norse settlement, or perhaps just the Iroquoian Indians just dicking around with the French.

2.  City of the Caesars has ALL the Diamonds

Supposedly located somewhere in Patagonia, The City of the Caesars or Ciudad de los Césares is a mythical city along the lines of El Dorado. According to legend, the city is full of gold, diamonds and other precious stones and found nestled between a mountain of silver and a mountain of gold.

It is said that the city would appear at certain times, making it more difficult to find. To make matters worse, people who come across it are said to forget all about what they saw. This does beg the question of how anyone knows this, considering, y'know, they forget all about it.

1. Cockaigne, Land of Everything

Ever want to go to a place where you could have everything you wanted, societal restrictions were destroyed and nuns would spend their days prancing around showing their butts? Cockaigne is for you then, you big pervert.

According to Herman Pleij's Dreaming of Cockaigne: Medieval Fantasies of the Perfect Life, this is exactly what this utopia is like:

"Roasted pigs wander about with knives in their backs to make carving easy, where grilled geese fly directly into one's mouth, where cooked fish jump out of the water and land at one's feet. The weather is always mild, the wine flows freely, sex is readily available, and all people enjoy eternal youth."

Or how about this doozy by poet George Ellis: "The houses were made of barley sugar and cakes, the streets were paved with pastry, and the shops supplied goods for nothing."

Flying food, free shit, all the sex and wine your body can take. When medieval people dreamed, they dreamed big.